NOT ANOTHER FCKED B*TCH IN INDIA
GOLDEN GIBBO NOMINEE 2018
EMERGING ARTIST IN COMEDY ADELAIDE FRINGE 2018 WINNER
Uze think you’re gonna go to India and rectify your c*nty soul? Uze think that if you do the splits on a Buddha in Delhi, then suddenly your vag will be enlightened and you will menstruate wisdom? Uze think going to Coogee Pav and then Byron Bay and then last stop India is going to cure you of your f*cked emptiness? Uze think doing 100 hours of yoga training for the purpose of getting hot, under the guise of wanting to become a yoga teacher, thinking that you are capable of being a yoga teacher, when actually you would be a shit yoga teacher, is going to fix your self-hatred? Uze think going to India and buying 100 saris and starting a business of selling ethically sourced free trade kimonos when you get home is going to cure you of being a shit person? (maybe you're not even aware you're a shit person but, that's how shit you are). So, you go to India to be thankful, thankful for Stella McCartney, for your Laser Hair Removal, for your Kookaburra Milk Piccolo lattes, for your amazing boyfriend who somehow managed to not cheat on you the whole week you were away. Well think again dickheads, the gratitude only lasts as long as the henna you stupid S***(slut). Have you been to India? Well uze can get this one right India.
"WOW after seeing this show I realised my 97 consecutive photos of the sunset with the sari and vegan smoothie bowl were all fucking pointless and didn't make me feel better about anything at all I just realised I was actually a c*nt and wasting my time and my life which I only have one of and maybe I should read a f*cking book or give someone I love a call. Who do I love? Why am I vegan but? If I didn't take a pikky and gram it did it actually happen? If I don't take a pikky and gram it DO I EVEN EXIST!??!?!?!?!?? MUM HELP!!!!!!! - AKA I feel transformed: definitely a must see, 17 STARS" Location-free-insta-blogger-bitch